From the Helm – Monday, October 12, 2009

The week just past was one of tremendous blessing for me, personally, and for AMOR.  Many people have responded to the plight of the AMOR/Lori.  Enough has already been received to not only allow for her recuperation but, also, to continue with our plans for the upcoming RBBI.  While the wheels seemed to be falling off the wagon, actually everything was falling in to place in a most beautiful way. 

For many years I had difficulty asking anyone for help of any kind.  Of course I realize this difficulty was rooted in pride and ego.  I often found it easier to “suffer” through things rather than seek the wisdom and resources of others – secretly hoping someone would wake up and fix everything for me in the process (the folly of self-declared martyrdom…). This isn’t the best way to go about life. 

I’m truly grateful for God’s provision over the past days.  I’m grateful for His moving in the lives of dear friends to meet the challenges we’ve together faced.  It has been yet another lesson in trusting in God’s mercy, grace and guidance.  I needn’t question His faithfulness.  It’s a given…

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I’ve been a bit saddened over the past couple weeks as well.  I’ve watched as human nature has won battles at turning points for several I know.  You see, it’s in our nature to seek self-preservation.  The problem is in where and to what extent we tend to seek this salvation from our circumstances. 

The easier, softer answer is to depend on God to lead us while asking only for clarity of direction, divorced from self-will and self-interest.  However, our most frequently adopted resolution is to barrel on ahead to disastrous ends for us and those around us.

We all come to turning points and crossroads along life’s course.  How we perceive these situations will determine our success through the fogs and mazes that necessarily confront us.  Much is said about “pride” in Scripture – none of the references are very affirmative.  However, in spite of all the history available to us, we seem to think it doesn’t apply to our particular, peculiar circumstances.

When circumstances become overwhelming, we tend to obscure the obvious call to surrender in favor of the spirit of fight.  In my own case, fight was never the right choice.  This largely due to the fact I’d become overwhelmed by my own best efforts in a matter.  I’d sought to force an issue based of power and control – neither of which I’ve ever processed, much less mastered.

The great paradox of surrender to God’s will in order to achieve peace and livability is always the answer.  This is an absolute truth that never varies in its simplicity and result.  Those of us who desire life, as He has it for us to live, will always retreat to the comfort of surrender – for this, we know, is where life begins. 

No matter how far we’ve ventured down the road of self-centeredness, egotism, etc., as long as there is still breathe within us, there is still time to stop the insanity.  There is always that moment we may choose to stop fighting and know God is exactly who He says He is.  At this point, another paradox comes to view – When we give up what we’ve always thought to be the source of our worth and security, yielding to whatever God may have for us around the next bend, we find that what He reveals to us is what we’ve wanted all along…

My life was once an ever increasing cycle of attempted control, manipulation and arrogance.  I was able to author a world of harm done to others for the sake of what I felt was right for me and them.  By God’s grace and mercy, I was able to see the futility of the whole deal – I was able to see that I, not the world, was wrong.  The world was my victim, not I the victim of the world.

So, all I’m able to do these days is pray for and be available to my friends in tight spots.  I know from experience it takes a touch from God to awaken a heart to change.  No word from me could ever influence change on such a fundamental level – for this, I am truly relieved and grateful – grateful indeed…

Thank You, Lord, for these days You’ve graced me with.  Thank You for the peace You’ve allowed me to feel is such overwhelming proportions.  Thank You for the privilege of seeking You.  Thank You for the All that You are to me…